New Driver

"I am the master of my fate; I am the captain of my soul." ~Invictus by William Ernest Henley

First and foremost William Ernest Henley's poem Invictus is very heartfelt and is an eye opener. I chose the last two lines because it spoke to me. Now is the time time to really be in control of your life. Stop riding in the passenger seat watching things go by and instead become the driver and determine where and how your life will be. There are so many people who allow others to make our decisions or our decisions are based off of trying please others that we are not pleased with ourselves. Tat is the wrong way to live your life. No one else lives your life. No one else is effected by the good or bad decisions that we make but yourself. No one else deals with the heartache or new love of your life except you, so why not make the decision that effects you?
What happens when that person that you are trying to please or the one that makes decisions for is no longer around (death, you stop being friends, or they are out of contact), then what do you do? Become the captain of your fate, the new driver in your life and make your own moves.

Memories

I just had the best online converstaion with a friend about things we used to do, or people we have met, and feelings we used to share. Both of us are laughing hysterically. I loved it! It's great to walk down memory lane. Memories are bookmarks in the book of life. We all have memories that sometimes makes us cry and sometimes make us laugh. I thank God for me being able to remember the good and the bad because they remind of far I have come in life and when those sad moments arise, a good memory can always make me laugh. Memories mark turning points in life, record moments that a photograph cannot, and becoming learning lessons! I am so blessed to have so many good memories and I look forward to having some more memories to create and fill my life with.

Getting Creative

I was pondering about a previous post "Change your Mind," which made me change my mind. What I want, how I want it, and who I want it from is alot of demands. If I want certain things I must start creating those things myself. I can ask someone to create those things for me, however I know that when I have to ask someone to do it for me, it's done because I asked not because their heart felt the need to do it. Honestly, when it's done without the heart being in it, it's never really done right. So now I am taking a page out of my own and I am Getting Creative. I am going to begin creating moments and days the way I would like them and hopefully it will inspire others to start creating moments from their heart.

Daddy's Babygirl

Someone once asked my Daddy if he wished I was a boy? My Daddy told me he immediately replied hell no! He loves me and extremely proud of me. I wasn't offended that someone asked him that question because I think its natural for a guy to want a son. My Dad told me just this past Sunday he was proud of me because he watched me grow from this little baby, to big girl, to a tom boy, to a beautiful lady. I think I am like my Dad in many ways. I have his chinky eyes, sense of sarcasm, athletic (Lord knows my Momma wasn't) and many other qualities. I once told my Daddy, "I will be your little boy and little girl." I was young when I said this but in so many ways I was. Anything my Daddy was doing I wanted to do. I loved and still do love the fact that when I got sick, my Daddy would make soup and applesauce and let me lay on his lap while I drank tea (even when I was in college) to help get me better. He could be eating dinner and I could walk in and eat food off of his plate. He would offer to make me a plate but I always refuse...I guess that's because I only want it because its his. People have asked me how come as an adult I still call him "Daddy?" The answer is simple, because he is my Daddy! I love him!

Change Your Mind

I have realized in life we make decisions in life that other do not always understand or think is best of for us. Automatically we go into defense mode and become the Defense Attorney to our life. You do not always have to defend yourself. People question some decisions we make because they care for us and just want the best. It is okay to politely say, "Thank you for your concern but right now I feel this is best for me. Later on if I feel this is not going the way I wanted it to, then we can revisit this and try to determine a better path for me, however for now, I am content with the decision I have made." (Give or take a few words...lol)
Furthermore, I have learned that we are a victim of familiarity. Meaning, we continue to deal, stay, love, and/or like situations that we are in and faced with because we are familiar with them and eventually become comfortable with them. Example: A woman stays in an abusive relationship because she is used to the abuse. It's not healthy, but she stays anyway. She should change her mind. Do not let others determine how your today or tomorrow is going to because because they are "familiar." It's okay to change your mind and dare to be different! Try something new! Change your mind as you see fit!

The Chosen Ones

We are born into a family being the kin of our parents and the descendants of our ancestors. That is a given. We do not have a choice. We are connected through blood, if nothing else. We marry into our in-laws...like or not,(It does not have to be bad because mines are pretty good) We don't get to choose them either. We are conncted through the love of a common person.
Our friends is where we get to have options and choices. I do not use the term "friend" loosely. It's interesting. No one can pinpoint a date when you became friends with someone. We meet people and develop some type of relationship with them be it, work related, health related, beautician, whatever. However, when you met you did not meet with the intensions of being friends. You start out being acquaintences and somewhere down the line when you look back you became friends. The friendship emerges without warning or any signs.
Each friendship should be valued! Some will be valued more than others simply because the bond between those two. Your friendships require work. It takes an effort from you and them to be understanding, caring, and supportive to really allow your friendship to endure the trials and tribulations that you will face to withstand the test of time. Some of your friendships will be valued more than even familial relationships only because that person chose to be apart of your life and accept you for who you really are. Even the Bible says, "who sticks closer than a brother," (Proverbs 18: 24).
Love your friends as if they are family because in some instances they may be all the family someone may have. I love my friends. They are all such wonderful people and all bring their own special quality into my life. I appreciate them for letting me into their lives choosing to be apart of mine. They are my chosen ones!

Stripped Natural

It's okay to be you. We do not have to cover ourselves in a ton of make up, regardless of the brand, or hide behind big label purses, shoes, and clothes. Ever wondered why a man will approach you they day you decide to go out of the house with a pair of sweats, hair pulled back in a ponytail (or wrapped in a scarf) and some random t-shirt that you usually only walk around the house in? Truth is, because he is finally able to see you for you. Not for your precious jewels and designer labels. He is able to see the person that that you really are.
All of those accessories and cosmetics it created just like the Mona Lisa. True indeed a woman is a work of art, however she is a work of art in her rarest form...Stripped Natural! Even if you have pimples, craters on your face, freckles, scars, blemishes whatever the trait maybe they are apart of your story, your character, and you! No one was born perfect and there is no need to act like we are. It is time for us to stop spending so much money trying to impress the opposite sex, when we are fine without all those things.

My husband tells me that he loves that I wake up in the morning looking the same way looked all day long. Its okay to be you...it's actually less work and refreshing.

Make it Plain

I have found that people often say one thing and do another or nothing at all. I have learned this it matters not what people say but what they do. We can all make great speeches and recite scriptures and quotes, but what happens when those words are put to the test? Are those words still as solid? Do they still mean anything to you? Actions prove more than words can say. Actions cannot be denied. When you really want to figure out who people are or if they really care for you; look at their actions. Words can often be misunderstood or are loosely translated into things that may or maynot be true, however actions are as plain as a blank sheet of paper.

"Committment is not found in the phrase "I love you". Its found in one's actions and the endurance of any situation.." Our mouths can form any statement and make it seem true. But our actions won't lie. Do your actions prove you are committed to wat you say you love?

Actions make it plain!

Blueprint

We all travel down our own path in life to eventually arrive at where we want to be...not just location but in health, education, personality, spirtituality, and love. We must realize that we go through things in life beginning as a young child until this very moment that help us create the blueprint to our lives. No ones journey is easy, not even those born with silver spoons in their mouths. We must have encounters with a variety of people, some friends, some family, even some strangers to be able recognize different traits that we want to possess and unexplored areas in our lives that we need to awaken.
I have had some time to reflect to realize there parts of my life that I was not so happy about. I did not want the public to think of me in those fashions or to leave the first impressions that I was leaving. But it's okay.
Part of this journey is maturation. It's such a beautiful thing. We must recognize that as we grow there are certain things that we once could get away with that we no longer can because we are not kids anymore. Throughout all the heartaches, lost friendships, education, independence, good times, bad times...we must take way something that we can learn from those experiences. Those key lessons help us transform into who we ultimately are today and who we will become tomorrow. The key is that you must be open to change and growth.
I have gone through things in my life and I have met some great people but all in all, I have developed into who I want to be. I know some people still wont like me but oh well. I love me! I have learned to be patient when I need to be and errupt when I have to. I learned to be sweet to those who deserve it and pay those who want nothing but negativity in my life no attention at all. I have learned to stand on my own two feet. I have learned how to shut my mouth and listen and to listen more. I have learned how to say no when I have to and yes when I can. I have learned to be a great friend and sister. I am continuing to learn how to be a great wife and mom but those lessons will continue everyday.
The blueprint to my life maybe complicated but it makes me treasure my journey even more. I love who I am today.

"patience is a secret weapon that forces deception to reveal itself" from The Conversation, Hill Harper

The under rated job

For the last couple of months I have taken on a new role: housewife. This position is so underrated. It seems that not many people really knows what she does and the government does not acknowledge her by giving her a salary or any recognition. She takes on the role of mom, housekeeper, chef, secretary, landscaper, nurse/doctor, repair woman, entertainer, counselor, chauffeur, event planner, teacher, and depending on which housewife you ask there are are even more roles. Her job is 24/7! Those who work in corporate America leave their home and start the job at a time and when the day is over they leave their job at the work place. A housewife may leave the house to run errands and things however she lives and sleeps at her job everyday, so there is never a moment that she is not on the job. When your husband comes home from work his day ends while you are still working hard. All these things are done mostly taking care of others not herself. All of this and she will never be employee of the month, Teacher of the Year, Top Chef and etc. It does not mean that her husband does not appreciate her and what she does...its just that it seem her hard work and efforts are truly unnoticed because she does not work in corporate America and does not fall into some tax bracket.

If you ever came home to a clean home, had food on your table, clean clothes on your back, or gotten to or from the mall or other places with the help of your parents please tell them how much you appreciate it. Do something nice for them not just because it is Mother's day or Father's Day.

Product of my environment

"I am not a product of my environment...my environment is a product of me." ~Me

"People are always blaming their circumstances for what they are. I don't believe in circumstances. The people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want, and if they can't find them, make them." ~ Unknown (I think it belongs to George Bernard Shaw)

I have not ever had a silver spoon in my mouth. I did not always have the newest, flyest, or trendiest clothes. I had many misfortunes and downfalls growing up. My school was not ranked one of the top schools in the country let alone the city. Don't get me wrong my life was not completely terrible. I had many fun times, friends, laughs, smiles, and wonderful memories. It's just that I've been in the trenches and I know it is a place that I do not ever want to revisit. I have used every ounce of negative situations and short comings to prepare me for my future which is now my present. I refuse to let statistics dictate my life to me or determine the path that I would travel down. I refused to listen to what others thought would be the limit to my success; if that was success at all. People tend to set limits for others for two reasons: 1. They do not want that person to surpass their own achievements and 2. Jealousy and Envy. As ridiculous as it may seem....think about it.
I decided a long time ago to just do what I needed to do, to make things better for me. It was not always easy to go against the grain but I have never really been a conformist. I did what others would not do for me which was believe in myself. I know that I am the only person who can stand in my way of achieving whatever the task is. I made my goals and my plans to achieve those goals. I was determined to guarantee that I would end up in a place better than where I started.
As for my past, I am thankful for all it has taught me. It has taught me to appreciate all things, and be humble. I appreciate my past because I know everything in life will not be easy. It is my foundation. I am thankful for the hand that I have dealt. I do know that my current environment is as a result of own determination, success, and belief in myself.

"Nothing is impossible; there are ways that lead to everything, and if you have sufficient will you should always have sufficient means. It is often merely for an excuse that we say things are impossible." ~ Unknown (I think this one as well belongs to George Bernard Shaw)

Do you really want it? (part 1)

You hear all the time that men and women discuss all the characteristics that want their mate to possess. However, what is happening is that we are asking for traits that we typically have not found in previous boyfriend or girlfriend. It is true that we do learn what do not want or need from previous but you may not exactly figure out what it is that you do need. I say be careful what you ask for because you just might get it.
It's like this. When you pray and ask for more patience, God does just "zap" and instantly more patience. God places you in situations that you will be tested and and through these trials and tribulations your patience increases, provided your heart is in the right place. So guys when you ask for a woman who keeps up with her appearance, athletic, has a good head on her shoulders, caring, and is family oriented you can find that woman however you have to understand with those traits comes responsibility.
A woman who keeps up with her appearance will more than likely will like to shop. She more than likely will not be getting ready in 5 minutes and will throw on a pair shoes that will compliment her jeans and tops on a regular basis so it will be necessary to let her when you are taking her to an event that will require sneakers and sweats. If she is athletic, you will have male friends. Not male friends that want to sleep with her but friends who just so happen to males. She will be competitive. She will have be a little more independent that your average woman because athletes typically aren't dependent on others; they are used to doing things for themselves. She will probably be a little more adventurous and not scared to get her hands dirty. A woman with a good head on her shoulders will know how to think for herself. She will be your "yes" girl. A "yes" girl is someone who will say yes to whatever you ask of her. She will also be independent (not independent to the point where she does not want a man in her life, she knows how to take care of herself.)
A caring woman will not just care about you. She cares about herself first, others, and causes. She is the woman is usually involved in her community and/or charity events. She gives of herself. She is not always going to just be available to you whenever you want her to because can sometimes live a busy life. She is not self righteous or self absorbed. A family oriented woman has a good relationship with her parents and siblings. They are close to their family. She likes to do things with her family and if you are in her life she will want you to join in those family events from time to time. She will make a good mother and is probably looking to have a family of her own to carry on and begin new traditions. She also can be very caring. She can more of the domestic type. On the other hand depending on her family she maybe be very needy because she could be used to other doing things for her. An educated woman will have thoughts and opinions of her own. You will not be thinking for her. She more than likely will be be goal oriented. She too may be involved in organizations and charity. She really doesn't like to waste time. Also she maybe adventurous. She may like to travel as well.
These are just a few traits to get you thinking. Understand what it is that you asking or looking for in a mate. Some people wants to have certain traits but truly do not like that that person once that find that person who does possess those certain traits because they do not understand what those traits mean. Think about it.

Who's the hoe?

What is a hoe? Should someone be determined to be a hoe based off of how many people they have slept with? or the attitude about sexual intercourse? Is the term hoe only for one gender?Is there a cap on how many people a respectable woman should sleep with?
Here is my take on it. There is not one concise definition that has determined whether or not a person is a hoe. Some people base it on how many people a person has slept with or even what their attitude is about the number of people they sleep with, or how they "advertise" their sexual life. What seems to be consistent is the person has to have slept with someone.
Why does it matter how many people another person has been with? As long as before you decide to have sex you find out the other person sexual health (previous and current diseases) and are not passing something along why does it matter? When a man has sex with a woman his and her number increases. Everyone has had a life or history before they met you and at this day and age a sexual history unless the person is a virgin. A person's sexual history really only concerns you when you are apart of their history and when they have or had STD's. A person's history does not have to become your present.
A man or woman can become a hoe when all they want from someone is sex and they no longer care who they sleep with. They are looking for something other than sexual gratification i.e. money, material things. It's based off of how they carry themselves...with or without respect. Just because some people in society says a man and go around and have sex with whomever whenever, does not mean that he is not a hoe. A spade is spade in English just as it is in French. The sex does not change the classification.

When it comes to having sex remember to stay protected. Get tested regularly and if you are involved with someone get tested together...it helps alot. If you are not prepared to be a mother or father make sure you both people are protecting themselves. Nothing wrong with back up.

Emotions

Emotions are a crazy. They can make you do things you never dreamed of doing but at the same time can make you feel so alive. Do not react to situations based of emotions more than likely that is not the best response because you are not thinking so clearly, with the exception of when these are positive emotions. Reacting on negative emotions can cause you to lose friendships, relationships, and if they are not lost they can be drastically damaged. The best thing to do is to write your feelings down, take a moment to "woosah," and then address the situation with a level head. Blowing up with someone is not productive. It may feel good and yes, I am guilty of it, but in the end all it does is put the person on the defense and then before you know it, you are arguing over something petty or worse not talking to each other at all.

On the other side when you begin to develop feelings for someone, I say express those emotions. You can wait for the right time or place, but don't hold it in for too long. People often do not express emotions because of fear of becoming vulnerable. Fear that the other person does not share those same feelings for you. That is actually rare. Being vulnerable is not always a bad thing. It can be great. You discover parts of yourself that you never knew existed. You can open your heart to new possibilities. It's not taking a risk...it's taking a chance on having something something better. Men live as if they do not feel or have emotions but in reality they are the most sensitive of the genders. They are very careful with whom they actually share those feelings. So if a man, not a boy, has opened his heart and allowed to move into his heart, don't take it lightly. Appreciate and somewhat cradle those feelings. Women all this, "I am woman hear me roar" save that nonsense for a women's retreat. Let that man know that he lights up your life, he puts that smile on your face and just what exactly you feel for him.

Fear of not expressing your feelings can result in loosing a person as well. People become exhausted of giving of themselves and expressing themselves to never have a opportunity or possibility of more. They become guarded and protective and eventually shut the door on their heart so you can no longer occupy space that someone else wants and will appreciate.